It would be really easy to write a post about how glad I am to see the end of 2016. Honestly, there was crushing loss and sadness that I’d sooner forget. I lost some people I loved very, very much, and it really, really hurt.
I’m not going to lie, in some moments I still want to wallow in my grief. To shake my fist at the universe and say, “Thanks for nothing, 2016, you f’ing shit year!” Other people are describing 2016 as a “dumpster fire” and other less favorable words. But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about the realization that 2016 had many good moments.
The antidote to sadness is gratitude. In low moments I’ve started to itemize anything I can be grateful for. And there is lots actually. So when I feel that swell in the back of my throat, or the pinch of tears in the corners of my eyes, I focus on the light and the good.
In the spirit of gratitude here’s running my list of the things I am thankful for in 2016:
Privilege
I live in Canada. I have a great job. I am educated and skilled. I am privileged by situation and the shear ability to choose the things that matter to me. This fortune is largely attributable to the time and place where I was born. This is not lost on me. I am lucky.
Wearing my heart on my sleeve
I’ve never had a decent poker face. Those who know me also know I generally say what’s on my mind in any given moment. At times, this makes for akward moments where I blurt my feelings in the general direction of the introverts in my life. But this year, that turned out to be a blessing. For the most part I said the things that mattered in the moment. When I lost important people I didn’t have to wonder if I’d told them how much they meant. I know they probably knew anyhow, but I’m glad I told them and showed them regularly. Fair warning that if your in my life, you’re going to continue to hear how I feel, good, bad, or otherwise (introverted or not.)
In the moment
Jumping off a bridge at 40 years old. Just saying yes. All of this because I’m working hard on being in the moment. When you people you love die you realize your own moments are a gift. I am still working on it, but doing a better job of being more in the moment and less in my head. Be careful what you dare me to do… because I might take you up on it!
My children
This year I am watching my youngest child learn to read. It is amazing and uplifting to see her realize there are words all around her to discover. I seem to have endless patience for spelling out new words slowly while she prints them. My oldest child has has a tremendous year of showing me how to be brave. She overcame her fear of heights and jumped off an 8ft peir into the ocean (and inspired me to try the bridge). She went on water slide even though she was so nervous at the top she could barely open her eyes. Her ability to muster up courage is startling and a source of constant wonder for me as a parent.
Solar energy
My husband and I invested in solar PV panels for our home this year. Every time the sun shines we check to see how much energy we are generating (thanks IoT!) I get a shot of vitamin D and a smaller power bill! How privileged are we to be able to make that choice? (See luck as mentioned above)
Local bounty
This year was a bumper year for blackberries. They grow wild all around our property. Every evening in September I would put on my long sleeves and walk around the yard and fill a few containers. We ate them until our lips were stained purple and still managed to get lots in the freezer. I also started a straw bale garden this year. There was definitely a learning curve, but a friend of mine was learning too and we did it together. I grew peas and beans, kale, cabbage, pumpkins and squash. I picked a lot of slugs! And you have never seen tomatoes grow like mine did. Last week my daughter and I donned Santa hats and delivered Green Tomato Mincemeat to the neighbours. What a glorious thing to be able to share food we grew ourselves.
Friends in all the right moments
I have some amazing friends. They are a small but mighty crew of authentic and genuine humans. In every way, they were exactly where I needed them to be this year. In the moments that mattered they hugged me; they cried with me; they loved me unconditionally. Most of all they made me laugh. I laughed so hard I cried (and maybe peed a little) and it really was the best medicine.
Partnership
I have one of the most solid husbands in the known universe. In almost every respect he is a perfect balance for me. He supports my goals and dreams. He shares my passion for creating a sustainable life. He laughs at my dorky jokes and bad puns. He is patient beyond measure, both with our children but also with me. This year we laughed together a lot. He also held me while I cried, let me rage when I felt angry, and hugged me afterwards. I am grateful to have this man as my partner in life.
2017
I am thankful it is a new year. Not for a fresh start, but because I get to continue. I get to keep experiencing the joys of my life. I get to keep sharing myself and what matters to me with those I love.
My plan for 2017 is simple. Keep looking for the good, the light, the gratitude in every situation. Do my best to be mindful and notice these things, share them, maybe even try to write them down. Doing that will make easier to remind myself in the inevitable low moments that there is something to be thankful for. I know in my heart this is my way forward in 2017. I need to find and share gratitude. We all do.
