I can admit it. I get a pay-off when I play the hero and save the day at work. The gratitude of others, the sense of my abilities, the feeling of “without me, something really important wouldn't have gotten done.” It gives me a sense of self importance, a shot of self-esteem, a reason to feel good and successful at the end of the day.
It is a trap. In fact, it’s huge a mistake to be the hero day-in and day-out.
Let me be clear, I am not saying that you shouldn’t help folks out when you can. In fact, that is the absolute best thing you can do for yourself, your career and the world. But I have a rule about money and I realized lately that this also needs to apply to talents and time in the workplace. Are you ready? Here’s the rule:
Never give away anything that you cannot afford to not get back.
Wait, what?
What I mean is you need to be sure that you understand the costs of stoping what you are doing, and acknowledge there are important things you’re actually giving away. We’re not talking about the kind of costs that are easily quantifiable like time or money. Its a smaller, more subtle trajectory correction, that if unnoticed, miscalculated, might change the entire path of a career. Things like:
Not honouring your own intentions and priorities.
Allowing others to decide how you spend your day.
Spending time doing things because you are good at them, not because you are passionate or care deeply about investing time in them.
Again, there are situations, and people, that warrant all of the above sacrifices. But if you fail to be mindful of these hidden costs, you might find yourself accidentally giving away something you cannot afford. Something you cannot get back.
We’ve all worked with folks who I like to call “damsels in distress.” (note: damsels sometimes wear three piece suits.) They are masters at finding a way to make their urgent concerns the problems of others. They love to find heros! Boy do they ever love a hero. Maybe they’ve said, “You’re so good at this, can you just help me?” They appeal to your inner hero and, if you’re not paying attention, these are the people who will slowly change the course of your career. Stop giving them what you cannot afford to not get back.
So what should you do instead?
Find the voice in your head that says,
Just because somebody asks for your help, does not make you obligated to give it.
Help people who you genuinely want to help. Help them because you can help them, and because you can afford to give them that time and energy. Help yourself by saying, “no” to the damsels in distress more often.
Reserve heroics for situations that really warrant them. Don’t be a hero every day.
Be one when it counts.
